TNS // PSA · LAB FILE · SPECIAL INVESTIGATION
THE POWER WENT OUT. NOW WHAT?
A TNS guide to surviving 3 hours, 3 days… and apparently 18 damn months.
The power goes out.
For the first six seconds, everybody does the same thing. You stare at the light. Then you flip the switch again. Because apparently electricity responds to second requests.
TON“Try it again.”
SPECK“The entire neighborhood is dark.”
TON“I know. Try it again.”
Welcome to the blackout.
A couple hours can be an inconvenience. A longer outage can become a real emergency: food, water, communications, temperature, transportation, medical needs, and access to reliable information.
So instead of waiting until we’re standing in the TNS Lab holding one flashlight with 11% battery, we’re putting the blackout itself ON THE SLAB.
PHASE 01 // A few hours
At this stage, nobody is rebuilding civilization. We need to stop doing dumb shit.
WHAT STILL WORKS WITHOUT THE GRID?
Phones may work — for a while. Home internet gear often dies unless it’s backed up. Refrigerators and freezers stop actively cooling. Electric stoves, HVAC, elevators, pumps, garage doors and other systems may go unavailable.
And suddenly that flashlight you walked past at the store for seven years becomes the most interesting object you’ve ever encountered.
TNS FIRST-LINE BLACKOUT KIT
- Flashlights / headlamps + spare batteries
- Charged power banks
- Battery or emergency radio (NOAA weather radio if you can)
- Drinking water
- Shelf-stable food
- First-aid + necessary medications
- Basic sanitation supplies
- Manual can opener
- Emergency contact information on paper
- Some cash
- Blankets, clothing, or cooling gear for the season
- Charging cables that actually fit your devices
Yes: know where this stuff is before the lights go out. A flashlight in a mystery box in the basement is technically a flashlight. Operationally, it’s folklore.
PHASE 02 // 24–72 hours
Okay. Now we’re in the Lab. The questions change.
How much drinking water do we actually have? Which food is still safe? How are we receiving emergency information? How are we keeping phones powered? Does anybody depend on electrically powered medical equipment? How hot or cold is the building becoming?
And why has Ton opened the refrigerator 14 times?
SPECK“Every time you open that door, you’re letting cold air out.”
TON“I’m checking the chicken.”
SPECK“The chicken has not developed new information.”
This is where TNS starts measuring instead of guessing: battery capacity, power consumption, temperature, water usage, radio communication.
Suddenly the blackout isn’t only an emergency-preparedness problem. It’s a science problem.
PHASE 03 // Days to weeks
If we’re still sitting in the dark several days later, the little emergency drawer isn’t enough.
WATER → FOOD → ENERGY → SANITATION → MEDICAL NEEDS → TEMPERATURE → COMMUNICATION → TRANSPORTATION → COMMUNITY
TNS makes an important distinction:
EQUIPMENT IS NOT THE SAME THING AS PREPAREDNESS.
Owning a solar panel doesn’t mean you understand solar power. Owning a battery doesn’t mean you know how long it’ll run your gear. Owning an emergency radio doesn’t help if you’ve never turned it on. Buying a generator without understanding safe operation can create a new emergency.
Fuel-burning generators produce deadly carbon monoxide. They belong outdoors, well away from doors, windows and vents — not inside a home, basement, shed, or garage.
KNOWLEDGE IS PART OF THE KIT.
PHASE 04 // 18 months
Hold up. EIGHTEEN? As in… months?!
At that point, Speck has removed his sunglasses. That’s how you know this is serious.
A prolonged infrastructure failure is no longer about keeping your phone charged until the utility truck comes around the corner. We’re talking systems: water, food production and storage, sanitation, energy generation and storage, communications, transportation, medical care, repair skills, local organization, community resilience.
Nobody’s little emergency bag contains 18 months of civilization.
Which brings us to the most important thing on the Slab:
PEOPLE. Neighbors who know things. Electricians. Medical professionals. Mechanics. Farmers. Engineers. Radio operators. Builders. Teachers. Cooks. People who can organize. People who check on elderly and vulnerable neighbors. People who know how to fix shit.
At some point preparedness stops being “What did I buy?” and becomes “What can we do?” That’s a much more interesting question.
TNS // UNSANCTIONED MONSTER PROTOCOL
Federal emergency guidance remains somewhat incomplete regarding one particular scenario.
WHAT IF SOME SHIT GETS UP THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO STAY DOWN?
We therefore developed an independent TNS protocol. This section is satire. Do not use it instead of official instructions.
- POWER // DOWN
- COMMUNICATION // LIMITED
- WATER // CONSERVED
- DOORS // SECURED
- FLASHLIGHTS // READY
- NEIGHBORS // ACCOUNTED FOR
- STRANGE DUDE WALKING SIDEWAYS DOWN THE STREET // OBSERVED
TON“Zombie.”
SPECK“We don’t have sufficient evidence.”
Strange Dude: starts chasing a city bus
SPECK“Continue observation.”
Strange Dude: bites bus tire
TON“Man, I’m going inside.”
TNS FINDING
During any emergency, avoid unnecessary hazards, follow legitimate emergency instructions, stay informed, help the people around you when it’s safe, and conserve critical resources.
If an unidentified reanimated organism requests entry into the TNS Lab:
ACCESS // DENIED
We have standards.
FINAL SLAB // Could we actually do this?
That’s the question we’re asking at TNS. Not “Could we survive the apocalypse?” But: Could we handle tonight? 24 hours? 72? What fails first? What equipment do we already own? What are we missing? What skills don’t we have? What have we bought but never tested? Who around us might need help?
So we’re going to build the TNS BLACKOUT PLAN, test the equipment ourselves, measure what actually works, and file the results here in the Lab.
Because preparedness shouldn’t begin when the lights go out. And apparently neither should zombie detection.
FILE // OPEN · INVESTIGATION // CONTINUING · UNSANCTIONED MONSTERS // STILL NOT INVITED
TNS // LAB REPORT · PULL FILE
BLACKOUT CHECKLIST
The article got you in. This is the File you can actually use. Sourced from current public guidance — not vibes. Comedy stays above this line. If official instructions in your area conflict with anything here, follow local emergency officials.
01 // KIT // READY.GOV BASELINE
Ready.gov’s basic disaster supplies kit includes: water (one gallon per person per day for several days, drinking and sanitation); several days of non-perishable food; battery-powered or hand-crank radio and a NOAA Weather Radio with tone alert; flashlight; first aid kit; extra batteries; whistle; dust mask; plastic sheeting, scissors and duct tape; moist towelettes, garbage bags and plastic ties; wrench or pliers; manual can opener; local maps; cell phone with chargers and a backup battery. Store in airtight bags inside one or two easy-to-carry bins or a duffel. Add what your household actually needs (pets, seniors, infants, prescriptions).
02 // FOOD // CDC / FOODSAFETY.GOV
Keep fridge and freezer doors closed. With doors closed: refrigerator food stays safe up to 4 hours; a full freezer about 48 hours; a half-full freezer about 24 hours. Fridge should be 40°F or below; freezer 0°F or below — appliance thermometers earn their keep here. After 4 hours without power (or a cold source like ice), throw out refrigerated perishables: meat, fish, cut produce, eggs, milk, leftovers. Never taste food to see if it’s safe. When in doubt, throw it out. Food still with ice crystals or at 40°F or below can usually be refrozen or cooked.
03 // GENERATORS + CO // READY.GOV + CDC
Carbon monoxide is colorless and odorless and can kill you. Ready.gov: generators and fuel outdoors, at least 20 feet from windows, doors, and attached garages. CDC: same 20-foot rule, dry area. Never run a generator in a home, basement, shed, or garage — even “with the door open.” Point exhaust away from the building. Let it cool before refueling. Use heavy-duty extension cords; do not backfeed a wall outlet. Battery-backup CO alarms on every level, near sleeping areas. Do not use a gas stove or oven to heat the home.
04 // WATER + COMMS // READY.GOV + RED CROSS
Plan on at least one gallon of water per person per day. Red Cross power-outage guidance also recommends stocking non-perishable food and water for at least two weeks if you can. Have a crank or battery radio that works when home internet and cell sites get ugly. Paper copy of contacts. Cash — ATMs and card readers may be down. Stay at least 35 feet from fallen power lines and anything they’re touching; call 911.
05 // INTERNET WHEN THE GRID IS WEIRD // STARLINK + RADIO
Terrestrial cell and fiber can fail in a long outage even if your phone still has battery. A satellite terminal such as Starlink talks to space, not the pole on your street — so it can still be a comms path when local networks are down. It is not grid independence. The dish, router, and power supply still draw watts from wherever you plug them in.
Starlink’s own help center (AC input averages; kit includes the dish, Wi-Fi router, power supply, and cables): Mini average 20–40 W (about 15 W idle); Standard Actuated average 50–75 W; Standard 4 / 4 X / Enterprise average 75–100 W; Performance (Gen 1 and Gen 2) average 110–150 W. Draw varies with temperature, location, and use. Heating / snow-melt can push it higher. Size the battery to the kit you actually own.
How you actually power it when the wall is dead:
- Battery / portable power station — hours of runtime. Watt-hours of the station divided by watts of the kit is a first estimate of hours, then subtract conversion loss. For Mini, Starlink asks for a USB-C Power Delivery source rated 100 W (20 V / 5 A) for optimal operation, and says the Mini will not work with USB PD ratings below 65 W.
- Solar plus battery — solar charges the battery while the sun is up. Night comes from stored energy. Panels alone are not 24/7 power.
- Generator — only outdoors, at least 20 feet from windows, doors, and attached garages (Ready.gov / CDC). Carbon monoxide is colorless and odorless. Never a garage, even with the door open.
Keep the NOAA / battery radio. A hot antenna with a dead battery is folklore again. Clear sky view, an active service plan, and local watts are all required. Treat satellite internet as one path, not the only one. TNS is not a Starlink partner; it is listed here as one possible satellite-internet option.
06 // MEDICAL + NEIGHBORS
If anyone uses powered medical devices or refrigerated medicine, make a plan with their clinician before the outage. Ready.gov: know how long meds can sit warmer; have an alternate power plan. After more than a day without power, discard refrigerated medication unless the label says otherwise — then call the pharmacist. Check on elderly and medically vulnerable neighbors when it is safe. People are the kit.
07 // TNS LAB QUESTIONS TO FILE AT HOME
- Could we handle tonight? 24 hours? 72?
- What fails first in this building?
- What equipment do we own — and have we actually turned it on?
- Where is the kit, in real life, not in folklore?
- Who around us might need help?
Sources (public guidance, retrieved 2026-09-03): Ready.gov — Build a Kit · Ready.gov — Power Outages (updated 2026-06-04) · CDC — Keep Food Safe After an Emergency · FoodSafety.gov — Power Outage Charts · CDC — Carbon Monoxide · American Red Cross — Power Outage Safety · Starlink Help Center — How much power does my Starlink need? · Starlink Help Center — How can I power my Starlink Mini?. Generator distance: Ready.gov Power Outages (updated 2026-06-04). TNS is not affiliated with Starlink. Wattage figures are Starlink’s published AC-input averages and can vary. TNS monster protocol is satire and is not emergency guidance.
TNS // FIELD LAB PSA SERIES
More society-on-the-slab Files.
Public service announcements, reported findings, investigations that matter in the real grid. Next Files drop here. Same format: the story gets you in; the Lab Report is what you can use.